Stop Being Nice.
Kindness is cool, niceness is overrated.
A mentor once told me to quit a personal trait that I believed was valuable.
They told me to 'stop being nice', something I saw as a strength and now being told to drop because it could be perceived as a weakness, especially by those who don't see or appreciate the value you bring.
It took a bit of time to process my mentors advice. The 'nice person' perception starts to build, when you say yes to things when you really mean no, stay agreeable, taking on more than you should and possibly avoiding conversations that needed to happen.
Being nice in some environments can be mistaken for professionalism. But who does it actually serve and help in the long run? I've now realised it gets you nowhere fast.
In professional settings you're led to believe that being easy (aka nice) to work with, approachable and someone others enjoy being around is the way to be and most of the time this advice comes from a good place.
With a strong desire to contribute, support others, build positive working relationships and be known as a solid team player. Over time, something else starts to surface and being nice doesn’t always work in your favour.
In some situations, it can quietly work against you. There’s a difference between being nice and being kind. Niceness is often driven by maintaining comfort whilst kindness is grounded in respect for others - including yourself.
Niceness can avoid tension. Kindness is addressing it. Kindness looks like honesty whereas niceness can be agreement (when you may disagree). One keeps things smooth while the other keeps things clear.
In many workplaces, there’s an assumption that if you show up well for others, things will naturally balance out. This is not always the case. People learn how to treat you based on what you consistently allow and these environments can become challenging because boundaries aren’t communicated resulting in expectations becoming unclear.
This is where adaptability shows up in a different way. Not just in how you respond to change externally but in how you adjust your behaviour internally. It’s recognising when something that once felt like a strength no longer serves you in the same way and for many professionals, this means shifting away from defaulting to niceness and becoming more intentional.
Pausing before committing, checking capacity and communicating clearly with confidence.
Boundaries aren't walls, they help guide both yourself and those you interact with. Helping others understand how to work with you and you with others. Helping to protect your time, energy and ability to perform well.
This approach enables clarity and continues to build our self-awareness, not become rigid or closed off that you end up being misunderstood and people not wanting to work or be around you.
So, I gather although being nice can be taken for granted, you can still value this as a personality trait if you want to, it's just knowing when and with whom to exercise it. The key lesson here is that being nice doesn't require you to lower my standards just be more aware of how it's being received and adjust your sails accordingly.
The observations I’d like to offer from my week:
Being liked and being respected are not the same thing.
Boundaries don't damage relationships they strengthen them.
You can be kind, clear and confident at the same time.
So whether you think you maybe being too nice at work for whatever reason. Maybe have think about...
Are you being clear about what works for you and what doesn’t?
Because when you move from niceness to clarity, you don’t lose connection, you build stronger ones.
Nothing but love at Melbourne Convention Centre Wharf.
So, until next time, speak soon.
Zee
Move with Change | Move with Confidence
