Gift of the Gab or the Art of Connection?
Connection starts when your message lands
“You talk too much.”
It’s something I heard often growing up. In fact, it was my dad who first uttered those words to me. I don’t believe it was meant in a harsh way; he was probably tired of my constant questions as a curious kid who loved learning, I’d ask “why” to just about everything because I wanted to understand the world around me.
When dad said this as a passing comment, it stuck, just enough to make me second guess myself at times when I found myself in situations that required me to speak. Like in team meetings, project briefings, presentations or in interviews.
So, like most people do, I tried to adjust.
Talk less, choose words wisely and in context. Take a moment to step back and listen more, lean into observation of the conversation and proactively make links of the threads of thought being shared. I’ve done well in some situations and not in others, but we live and learn.
Communication is broad – there’s verbal, non-verbal, written and many layers beneath that! So, over time I’ve concluded that isn’t about talking more, it’s about the connection.
For example, the season I’m in, having moved countries (New Zealand to Australia, April 2026). I’m in the thick of job search, being ghosted, receiving declines and invited to the odd interview. You can safely say I am embracing the recruitment process here in Australia.
Interviews that I’ve been invited to have reinforced the art of connection over words even more. Some of the best interviews I’ve had didn’t feel overly scripted or polished instead genuine conversations. Where both sides of the table are trying to understand each other beyond the resume (CV) and rehearsed answers.
I’ve walked out of interviews realising that what made the interaction memorable wasn’t necessarily what I said it was how the conversation felt. The presence, listening and ability to read the room.
It also made me realise that strong communication in interviews isn’t about dominating the conversation (aka talking too much) and trying to impress people. It’s being self-aware enough to know when to elaborate and when to pause and for me the balance has been the hardest part.
In some interviews I’ve felt nervous, albeit a welcoming panel but for some reason my energy felt off and when the nerves kicked in, I noticed my pace speed up and word count increase significantly in my interview responses, all while trying to act, look and sound natural. I didn’t fool anyone, not even myself.
A few interviews later, I’ve found my flow, I feel calmer and that’s the beauty of practice. Now, I’m leaning into the art of connection and in many ways, adaptability in communication (through reflection) is what allows that connection to happen at some point.
What people often describe as the “gift of the gab” isn’t just talking, it’s relatability.
Next job ID card photo perhaps?
The ability to read a room, understand people and communicate in a way that lands. Not just saying words but making them meaningful to the person in front of you. Creating impact in the moment and in my case trying to convince complete strangers – I’m the person for this job, pick me!
I believe I’m a strong communicator, confident, enthusiastic and engaging but in the cycle of interviews, I’m receiving feedback in real-time, reminding me, when to speak, listen and step back.
Whenever I eventually manage to land a job. I’ll be sure to take these lessons into the new working environment and team meetings will probably be the bridge I cross first. Not to change who I am but to move with intention and taking the time to absorb new information. It’ll mean asking better questions versus offering opinions.
A question to reflect on:How well are you connecting with the people in front of you - not just talking to them?
A classic interview model I’ve been using is S.T.A.R (Situation, Tasks, Action and Result). I’ve received feedback from jobs I’ve been declined from, who have mentioned the S.A.O (Situation, Action and Outcome) interview model.
When I first came across the S.A.O model I was thinking how have I not heard about this model, 3 words, 3 things, 3 key points, easy to remember and has enabled a better flow. A solid reminder that you learn something every day.
If you’re also in a season of change and interviewing for your next thing, like me. I created a ritual for myself after each interview, asking myself the following questions.
How well did my message land?
How easily did people understand me?
How comfortable did they feel engaging with me?
The observations I’d like to offer from my week:
Communication is about impact, not volume.
Relatability builds trust faster than polished words.
Energy awareness shapes how we show up in conversations.
Overall, the reminder for me has been that communication is one thing and landing my message is another. Building relationships, power of influence and not leaving any doubt in a panel member mind’s by using too many words and too long in your response. You can quickly shift from the confident ‘Here’s what I can deliver’ to justifying your existence and capability. It’s not about filling space but building connection between you and the panel and you to the job description and beyond.
Until next time, speak soon.
Zee
Move with Confidence
